Sometimes at work, we talk of ‘parent pleasers’. This is the category of kids who adore parental and societal adulation, and do what they can to act and succeed in the way that their families and communities love. Parent pleasers happen to make great employees. Until about 5 years ago, I was one.
Then I realized that although I was pretty well loved by others, there was something missing for me. It certainly seemed that I didn’t know myself well emotionally. Perhaps this was because the ‘parent pleaser’ in me was focused more on the outside than on the inside.
5 years ago, I decided I would say what I really felt was right – and act only in a way I believed supported my personal beliefs. I also decided it was all right to change my mind. In fact, it was good to do so. After all, I can hardly claim to know everything. Quite the contrary, I have what we call a strong 80-20 approach to life. Which means I form opinions (also known as hypotheses by those close to me) based on my instincts, experiences and what little I know. And I feel free to change these opinions or hypotheses based on what I learn.
The question that bothers me, especially coming from a relatively traditional Sikh Indian family is: what is the role of compromise in my life? I often tell myself that as long as I live in a way that would leave me satisfied on my death bed, I was doing all right. But is this really the case? Or will I have regrets that I didn’t compromise more? What role does compromise play in your life?
