November 5, 2006 – 10:51 pm
Is there a math in relationships? Does there need to be an equal exchange of value (financial, emotional, social, spiritual….real or perceived) for any relationship to work long term? I don’t know. I think there’s more math involved than most let on. Although I don’t think the math is simple (or can be simiplified)…as humans are complex and so are those things that we care about.
I also think some relationships are ‘sacred’ (at least where I come from)…so the intangible value keeps those relationships always stable, real, and in equilibrium. Love to hear what others think….
August 14, 2005 – 11:10 pm
people, to me, are the most interesting and important thing in the world. priority number one, above work, above all the things i want to and need to get done in my life (in a macro sense, all said and done). personal relationships follow, then, as a key driver of my personal happiness and satisfaction…and people watching (and thinking about what i see) follows as an absorbing hobby.
so i’ve noticed, and often think about this: how we perceive a particular situation or incident seems to differ quite a bit from person to person. not surprising, i guess, since we view the world through the lens of our individual prior experiences and what we have personally learned through these experiences.
but perception, i believe, is reality (after all, our perceptions drives personal decisions and actions, which are real and tangible). but how can it be that there are over 6 billion people in the world walking around each with their own slightly and sometimes not so slightly different view of what’s real? isn’t the world we live in fascinating?
August 7, 2005 – 11:12 pm
Sometimes at work, we talk of ‘parent pleasers’. This is the category of kids who adore parental and societal adulation, and do what they can to act and succeed in the way that their families and communities love. Parent pleasers happen to make great employees. Until about 5 years ago, I was one.
Then I realized that although I was pretty well loved by others, there was something missing for me. It certainly seemed that I didn’t know myself well emotionally. Perhaps this was because the ‘parent pleaser’ in me was focused more on the outside than on the inside.
5 years ago, I decided I would say what I really felt was right – and act only in a way I believed supported my personal beliefs. I also decided it was all right to change my mind. In fact, it was good to do so. After all, I can hardly claim to know everything. Quite the contrary, I have what we call a strong 80-20 approach to life. Which means I form opinions (also known as hypotheses by those close to me) based on my instincts, experiences and what little I know. And I feel free to change these opinions or hypotheses based on what I learn.
The question that bothers me, especially coming from a relatively traditional Sikh Indian family is: what is the role of compromise in my life? I often tell myself that as long as I live in a way that would leave me satisfied on my death bed, I was doing all right. But is this really the case? Or will I have regrets that I didn’t compromise more? What role does compromise play in your life?
