November 5, 2006 – 10:51 pm
Is there a math in relationships? Does there need to be an equal exchange of value (financial, emotional, social, spiritual….real or perceived) for any relationship to work long term? I don’t know. I think there’s more math involved than most let on. Although I don’t think the math is simple (or can be simiplified)…as humans are complex and so are those things that we care about.
I also think some relationships are ‘sacred’ (at least where I come from)…so the intangible value keeps those relationships always stable, real, and in equilibrium. Love to hear what others think….
September 1, 2005 – 11:04 pm
Almost everything I, and we, do at work or in life revolves around people and our relationships with them. I am fascinated by what makes relationships meaningful and what makes some people more successful than others in life. I have come to the conclusion that separating people’s actions from their words is the key to answering some of these questions. In fact, I believe actions are all that matter!
Having said that, I’ll caveat my statement by acknowledging the importance of communication, and education in our lives and for society. But at the end of the day, I’ve found that the only way to ‘cut through the crap’ and get to the heart of what’s right and valuable is to look at actions not words.
How many of you know people who claim to be bleeding heart liberals and who are vehemently anti-globalization? I know a few, who immigrated to America and stay here. How many of these folks have moved back to India (if that’s their home country) and stopped working their high paying corporate jobs? None.
How many people do you know who go to the temple everyday and discuss the importance of religion in their lives and decision making? I know a few. Many of these folks drive lavish cars and have a lot of money but would pass by a hungry homeless person without offering them a bite to eat. Also, most don’t engage in any significant charitable activity.
How many people do you know who are against allowing legal rights for same sex couples in multi-year relationships (as they believe this is anti-family) but are divorced or engaged in extra marital affairs themselves? I know many…and know there are even more I don’t know..most of whom voted for Mr Bush.
August 16, 2005 – 11:07 pm
The ‘value of a life’ is a recurring topic of conversation in our home. It has always confounded (and impressed) me how much americans value a single american life. I’m told a whole bunch of marines will go in and risk their life to try and save just one of their brethren during war.
I find this most fascinating, being part of a generation of Indians who grew up reading almost daily about dozens if not hundreds of deaths in Sri Lanka (the LTTE problem), Andhra Pradesh (the Naxalites), Punjab (the terrorism/secession problem there in the late ’80s and into the ’90s), Kashmir (you all know this one, I’m sure), Assam..and the list goes on (and this doesn’t even include violence outside of India!!).
There was nary a day when one didn’t hear of a ‘brown bag’ exploding and killing all the people on a bus…or some story similar to that. Most of us got used to this over the years, and became relatively immune to the violence and death.
I’ll blog some other time about my hypotheses on what drives this dramatic difference in how a human life is viewed in different parts of the world.
Today I’m wondering and thinking of how one values a dogs life?
Yesterday, our beloved Great Dane Lara got ‘bloat’ – a relatively common but life-threatening condition that large breed dogs (particularly deep chested ones) are prone to. Here, for seemingly no reason, the dogs stomach gets filled with gas and twists on itself. Immediate surgery is required to reverse the condition, and many dogs die either during or soon after surgery. Aside from the emotional stress and pain, there’s also the issue of expense. We’re $1500 bucks down already (for the surgery) and just dropped her off at a 24 hour hospital which is going to cost another $500 or so per night. We’re lucky that we can afford the expense, and she’s lucky that we love her like crazy…but it does bring up the question: how far do we take this? What is the value of a dog’s life? Here we are trying desperately to save this beloved dog, who we got from a rescue 3 years ago (she was already sick, and has had orthopedic problems since)….should we be saving a human life instead?
I’ll tell the dog-lovers before I sign off that despite all the debates and questioning, the path forward is clear. We’ll do whatever it takes to have some more time with Lara. She is special, with a gentleness and human-like emotional quality we’ve never found before. What if we weren’t this lucky and didn’t have this choice to make?
August 7, 2005 – 11:12 pm
Sometimes at work, we talk of ‘parent pleasers’. This is the category of kids who adore parental and societal adulation, and do what they can to act and succeed in the way that their families and communities love. Parent pleasers happen to make great employees. Until about 5 years ago, I was one.
Then I realized that although I was pretty well loved by others, there was something missing for me. It certainly seemed that I didn’t know myself well emotionally. Perhaps this was because the ‘parent pleaser’ in me was focused more on the outside than on the inside.
5 years ago, I decided I would say what I really felt was right – and act only in a way I believed supported my personal beliefs. I also decided it was all right to change my mind. In fact, it was good to do so. After all, I can hardly claim to know everything. Quite the contrary, I have what we call a strong 80-20 approach to life. Which means I form opinions (also known as hypotheses by those close to me) based on my instincts, experiences and what little I know. And I feel free to change these opinions or hypotheses based on what I learn.
The question that bothers me, especially coming from a relatively traditional Sikh Indian family is: what is the role of compromise in my life? I often tell myself that as long as I live in a way that would leave me satisfied on my death bed, I was doing all right. But is this really the case? Or will I have regrets that I didn’t compromise more? What role does compromise play in your life?
